Only you

"There could be a million of people around you but somehow, you are still alone.."
Agnes


I guess I better blog first before all my ideas and emotions disappear..the revamp of my blog site will take time..So in the meanwhile I shall just blog as per normal and hopefully not as boring..


Dear Mummy,

There isn't any moment that I am not thinking of you...Sometimes I just wish this is a bad dream and I will wake up one day and see you there just the way you used to be.I know I shouldnt be deceiving myself and I should just accept the fact that you are gone and you will never come back,at least not physically.

That day, I went shopping and engaged myself in some retail therapy.The sale was really crazy. It s called the midnight madness sale at Suntec. You would be delighted to know that there s such a thing since you loved shopping so much, but maybe not so as I know you don't really like crowds.

I was in a total shock when I went into Charles and Keith. It was like a market place with people squeezing and shouting non-stop.Everywhere there is people, and almost all the time I think of you. I think of all the things we had done before and all the things which we chould have done together. I remembered all the shopping we have done and all the pampering you had showered me by buying almost everything I wanted.

It was then I felt really alone because nobody will treat me the way you treated me. Unconditional Love. Though there were so many people around me, I still felt alone. But luckily there s still liying around. You told her to take care of me. And she did and so did many of my friends and family. So don't worry about me. I am in safe hands.

Alone as I may be, emotionally...I try to be around people and occupy myself with things to do. It is my way of making better use of my time instead of keeping myself deeply ingrained with grief.I don't really think anyone can really understand the way I am feeling right now and so I try not to bother them with my emotions, at least not all the time. I know they all meant well and I am really grateful to them for being there. But somehow, it s still something I have to get over it myself.

By getting over, I do not mean to forget you , mummy. You will always be in my heart but hopefully the sadness will slowly go away with time. They say that time will heal all wounds. I say time will still leave a scar.I do expect to get well totally as I know I cant possibly forget you. You are a part of me, and you always will be.

You can be alone, yet not lonely. I know I will not be lonely because you are still here, just that you are here in a different way.

"There could be a million people around you but somehow you are still alone.What matters is not the number of people, but someone like you who cares."

Always on my mind,
Agnes

P.S : The retail therapy did work to a certain extent, but not for long. It distracted me for a while. But if you were around, I am sure you would surely scold me for spluring my money like that. Just this once, mummy. I promise I would try to curb my spending habits. I simply realize that there would not be anyone like you footing the bills for me anytime soon and so I just thought that I should start being independent and foot my own bills though not all with my own money..hehe..*sheepish grin*.. Next time, I will earn for my own spending.