What you rather not say, or do not know how to say

" Sometimes, it is the words that you rather not say or do not know to say that matters the most."


Dear Friends,

Taboo subjects such as death and love are topics which we are not very used to saying in our daily lifes, especially in this conservative society of ours. Either you do not know how to approach the subjects or you rather not say them out, just to play it on the safe side lest the awkwardness.

I have been reading this book entitled ": How to survive the loss of a parent" by Lois F. Akner, C.S.W with Catherine Whitney. It is a great book and has been my guide for coping with mummy's death. It is hard to find a support group in singapore who discusses about death openly or maybe I am just ignorant..hehe. This book has been like my support group whereby people from all walks of life share their loss with one another. It makes you feel that you are not alone and things like this always happen. It is just that you may have not experience one close to you yet.

Since it has happened to me, I thought of sharing some of my thoughts on death. Before all these had happened, I read an another great book entitled, " Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is about a living person who is on his journey to death, sharing his life moments with his previous student( Mitch, who is the author of this book). This story touched me a lot to the extent that I just felt that I knew Morrie from this book. His insights on death were great. But apparently, being touched doesn't necessarily translate in actions, something which I have talked about in my previous entry. You can know a lot in life, but if you just do not do it, it will just remain as knowledge and nothing else. Well, that happens to me. And I hope it is not too late for you to translate your knowlegde into actions. Since you know regrets are everlasting, why do things that will make you have regrets?

Morrie said," Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live". This happens to be a favourite line of my friend, someone who has been very supportive of me throughout this period and if you are reading this, you should know who I am talking about. This is a quote which I like very much as well. It is only now that I can truly apprehend the meaning behind the quote. Knowing life is really unpredictible and that death can strike me even at such a young age, I am beginning to take more responsiblity for my own life. There are so many things that I want to do and I hope that one day I can fulfill all of them. Even if I can't, the process of walking towards them is already a joy. At least I try.

Anyway I am planning to set up a Morriean Club which will be a forum for all to discuss about the teachings of Morrie from his book. For all those who loves Morrie as I do, do stay tune for the club. (P.S : I am not mad over Morrie, just that I thought what he said really made a lot of sense). But that would have to wait for awhile because I am still trying to figure out how to use dreamweaver.

Well, back to the topic of taboo subjects.. I would like to share with you guys my idea of death. I read...(yes.. I have been reading a lot.) somewhere that, it is not death that s scary but what precedes it. I agree! Death is purely a moment of release of the soul from the body. Whereas for those in sickness, what precedes death is the pain. No one can imagine how painful is the pain unless you have been through it. And so that s why, to all of you out there, do take care of your health and for all those who are smoking, pls quit for you are just throwing your life away slowly which is equivalent to gradual suicide.

There have been a lot of sayings about what happens after death. Some say the souls would reside in insects' bodies, especially butterflies and moths. And coincidentally, I happen to see a lot of them after mummy died. Are those butterflies messengers from mummy to see if I am alright? Or is it just a pure coincidence? I have no answer for it. Others say that the souls go to heaven while a few others say that the souls still live on in this world.

For me, I believe that the good souls go heaven whereas the not so good souls go to hell. When I was young, I thought that those who were buried in the soil will go to hell for it is like deep below and hence I associate it to hell. For those who were cremate, I thought they will go to heaven and so their ashes will fly up to the sky..to the heaven of course. And that is probably why, I love the sky so much. I have a dream, and the dream is to become an angel someday. I just love angels so much, without any reason. So for that, I believe that mummy has gone to the heaven, becoming one of the guardian angels of mine whom I will meet one day.

There is no right or wrong answer for this and no one could possibly know for sure what happens after death. And so I would like to pose a question to all of you out there. What do you think about death? And what do you think happens after death? I hope to see a lively discussion on this for death is not something to be kept secretly in dark for it happens to all of us someday, whether you want it or not.

Living and dying at the same time,
Agnes

" Saying it out makes everything much clearer. Trust me."