Dear Mummy,
It has been an eventful 2 years since I last wrote in...
It is really the spur of the moment that I have decided to write in after so long...
Not sure what have been stopping me...laziness I presume
And I guess I m just too bored and too lonely these days to the extent that I think you are the best person to talk to now...
I have been running away, living in a dream. I still am.
When will be the day I start to come back to reality and face my own worst fears?
Twenty years later?
Someone important told me that I may not remember him twenty years down the road...
Will I forget him? I really do not know. It has been hard forgetting the memories.
Really haunting.......
Time they say will dilute everything even memories.
I agree..cos it happened to you. Worst, my memory is poor.
So most likely it will happen to him too.
No one can be with you forever, except yourself and your breath would be your closest friend.
I have learnt but not well enough.
Some things are just not meant to be, no matter how much you want it.
It may not be even if you have gotten it.
Just like you, gone with the wind just like that.
People come, people go. One day I will go too. To where? To you?
Looking back, I have been silly. But I have been a silly happy fool.
A deep void remains. Nothing seems to be able to fill it.
What could it be? Where could it be? How could I find it?
Death sometimes seems like a pretty nice release. An end to all questions and a definitive closure to the possibilities. A beginning in its end.
Quite a radical thinking. But I m so looking forward to growing old, a step closer to death. My goal in life.
Twenty years later, I hope I can forget him but still remember you. He is just a passer by in my life. I realize the best way is to take it that he s dead. And it is impossible for anything to happen cos he s DEAD. It s so hard to even be friends. So I guess I better just let it be. Best not to have any contact. Given my small brain, I should be able to forget soon.
Anyway, things have changed. He has moved on and I have to too..just a bit slower. He s always so fast, while I am always so slow. He s so smart, with such a bigger brain than mine, while I am always a TUT TUT to him. He has so much world experience, while I am only living in my own small world. He is able to let go just like that, while I always linger on. He s so fierce, while I am so meek. We are just worlds apart.
I used to think, perhaps we could complement each other. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps the feeling I felt was real and full of possibilities. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps he is the only one. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps if I persevere and try hard enough, we could be together. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps we could still be friends and maybe even good friends. I was terribly wrong.
I used to think, perhaps he would be there for me always. I was terribly wrong too.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong.....
But one thing I was right is that I asked for it.
Every love song seems to be singing my sadness, every couple on the street seems to be amplifying my loneliness, every little thing seems to remind me of you...
I begin to wonder if I can find such happiness again. I begin to wonder if I want to have this kind of sadness again. It s a package isn't it? I am lost. I do not know what I want. To have someone or not..or better with myself?
Can someone else replace you?
Never imagine it would be so hard...but with each passing day, it gets easier.
Twenty years later, where would I be? Where would you be?
Twenty years later, I hope I can be somewhere far far away, with my camera in my hand and your face gone from my mind.
One step closer to mummy, million steps away from you and a few more steps away from death.
Wishing you Mr M , her Ms S and Little Cute Boy all the very best. May she be the one who can spend the rest of the life with you. It has been a long long road for you.
Wishing myself all the very best too.
Twenty years later, 47 years on earth. Sending this letter to myself, aged 47.
Mother of 2, a girl and a boy. Happily married. Housewife.
Or Swinging single, roaming around the world, visiting all the buddhist sites, taking all the beautiful photos, gaining more and more depth into life.
So exciting! to see how life may unfold.
Thank you Ms K, Ms J, Ms L esp Ms K for all the support. Sorry to have bothered you so much and holding on to you.
TWENTY YEARS LATER?
It has been an eventful 2 years since I last wrote in...
It is really the spur of the moment that I have decided to write in after so long...
Not sure what have been stopping me...laziness I presume
And I guess I m just too bored and too lonely these days to the extent that I think you are the best person to talk to now...
I have been running away, living in a dream. I still am.
When will be the day I start to come back to reality and face my own worst fears?
Twenty years later?
Someone important told me that I may not remember him twenty years down the road...
Will I forget him? I really do not know. It has been hard forgetting the memories.
Really haunting.......
Time they say will dilute everything even memories.
I agree..cos it happened to you. Worst, my memory is poor.
So most likely it will happen to him too.
No one can be with you forever, except yourself and your breath would be your closest friend.
I have learnt but not well enough.
Some things are just not meant to be, no matter how much you want it.
It may not be even if you have gotten it.
Just like you, gone with the wind just like that.
People come, people go. One day I will go too. To where? To you?
Looking back, I have been silly. But I have been a silly happy fool.
A deep void remains. Nothing seems to be able to fill it.
What could it be? Where could it be? How could I find it?
Death sometimes seems like a pretty nice release. An end to all questions and a definitive closure to the possibilities. A beginning in its end.
Quite a radical thinking. But I m so looking forward to growing old, a step closer to death. My goal in life.
Twenty years later, I hope I can forget him but still remember you. He is just a passer by in my life. I realize the best way is to take it that he s dead. And it is impossible for anything to happen cos he s DEAD. It s so hard to even be friends. So I guess I better just let it be. Best not to have any contact. Given my small brain, I should be able to forget soon.
Anyway, things have changed. He has moved on and I have to too..just a bit slower. He s always so fast, while I am always so slow. He s so smart, with such a bigger brain than mine, while I am always a TUT TUT to him. He has so much world experience, while I am only living in my own small world. He is able to let go just like that, while I always linger on. He s so fierce, while I am so meek. We are just worlds apart.
I used to think, perhaps we could complement each other. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps the feeling I felt was real and full of possibilities. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps he is the only one. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps if I persevere and try hard enough, we could be together. I was wrong.
I used to think, perhaps we could still be friends and maybe even good friends. I was terribly wrong.
I used to think, perhaps he would be there for me always. I was terribly wrong too.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong.....
But one thing I was right is that I asked for it.
Every love song seems to be singing my sadness, every couple on the street seems to be amplifying my loneliness, every little thing seems to remind me of you...
I begin to wonder if I can find such happiness again. I begin to wonder if I want to have this kind of sadness again. It s a package isn't it? I am lost. I do not know what I want. To have someone or not..or better with myself?
Can someone else replace you?
Never imagine it would be so hard...but with each passing day, it gets easier.
Twenty years later, where would I be? Where would you be?
Twenty years later, I hope I can be somewhere far far away, with my camera in my hand and your face gone from my mind.
One step closer to mummy, million steps away from you and a few more steps away from death.
Wishing you Mr M , her Ms S and Little Cute Boy all the very best. May she be the one who can spend the rest of the life with you. It has been a long long road for you.
Wishing myself all the very best too.
Twenty years later, 47 years on earth. Sending this letter to myself, aged 47.
Mother of 2, a girl and a boy. Happily married. Housewife.
Or Swinging single, roaming around the world, visiting all the buddhist sites, taking all the beautiful photos, gaining more and more depth into life.
So exciting! to see how life may unfold.
Thank you Ms K, Ms J, Ms L esp Ms K for all the support. Sorry to have bothered you so much and holding on to you.
TWENTY YEARS LATER?
