A Day of Insights

" There is something to learn everyday if only we pay attention to our surroundings."

Dear Friends,

Yesterday was an insightful day...right from the start of the day. It was a pretty long day for me as well. I wish to share what I have learnt to all of you out there, and hopefully you care enough to read on.

Starting from the morning...I went to a job agency. The person there was pretty insensitive and said some really hurtful things. What a way to start a a wonderful day. It started when she asked me about mummy. And I replied that she passed away. Then she asked for the cause and I said breast cancer. Her insensitive comment was, " You know, breast cancer could actually be prevented......Silly." It was the last word that really angered me. Who was she to say that mummy was silly to have not treated cancer earlier. Can she understand the pain that mummy has to go through alone, not knowing what to do with her illness?

At that point in time, I was already trying to control my tears from falling. If not for the tears, I would have scolded her..or maybe I won't since I am not used to scolding people. She then proceeded on to ask for mummy's age. And I said 56. Then came another insensitive comment, " That was really young".
Those comments were like knives stabbing into my heart and I was having a really bad impression of her. Trust her to be a recruitment personnel, having to deal with people but to be so insensitive with her words. I know that cancer could be prevented, and I don't need you to remind me.

What's the point of telling me this, when mummy was already dead? Age, who are we to determine what s a young age and what s an old age? Life is measure not by the number of years but by the quality of time spent on earth. But perhaps I am still pretty affected by the number of our age as it is a reminder of the things that I could have done with mummy if given more time.

The lesson learnt here, guys... is to think before you talk. Every word you say make an impact on another person. Just like when I think back, I discovered that I said some pretty insensitive words to mummy and regretted saying them. It is a difficult but essentail skill to learn how to speak tactfully.

Though I was still pretty much affected by the earlier incident, I told myself I was not going to let that ruin my day. Our reactions determine what would happen, and thus I tell myself it was going to be a good day. If I would to be trapped in the incident, the rest of the day would be ruined. So guys, never tell yourself today is a bad day, when it is just in the morning. Though a few unlucky things may have happened, it does not necessarily imply that the rest of the day would be bad too.

And so with that, I headed to sentosa for an charity event whereby beneficiaries from all over Singapore come together to break the world record of the longest popiah! It was fun, making the popiah together with so many others.
Thereafter, activities such as games for the young and the elderly were carried out. It was sort of a relay match whereby the young will go and collect the jigsaw puzzles and the elderly will try to piece the pieces together. Me and my friends happen to stop by a table and decided to help the elderly over there. Unlucky for us, we happened to choose the hardest puzzle of the day. The elderly was fed up in the midst of doing the puzzle, having spent so much time yet with no results. I can definitely understand their frustration. Thus,being the energetic us, we continued to try our best, not willing to give up and most importantly to present the final picture to the elderly as we know that they would be happy being able to see the work done. While trying to piece up the puzzle, I chatted with some of the elderly and they were really quite nice and friendly.

My greatest joy was when I managed to make them laugh. It was a nice feeling knowing that you can bring joy to those around you. In the end, we still could not finish the puzzle. We have tried our best and sad to say, the outcome is not for us to decide. I think some of the pieces were lost.The lesson here guys, is that, when people around you are happy, you will automatically feel happy too. If it just takes a little effort to make someone's day a better one, why not?
Giving up in life is not an option but a choice we decide. For us, we did not give up until the very last. This should be the way life should be. Even we do not even try, we are giving up the only chance we could have. However, sometimes life does not always turn out the way we want it to be, so be smart and know when to stop after trying our very best.

After that, I went home and prepared some gifts to give my friend who was in a depression. I decided that, I wanted to do something for her even it is not something that fantastic. So the flowers came, and the chocolates too.I passed her the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie" too, which hopefully can give her some directions in life. I did not get to see her though for she was not in her room. Actually I did not intend to meet her that day, fearing that I may say the wrong words for I know how the wrong words could affect a person after having experience it in the morning. I just wanted to do something for her. And when she s feeling better and I am more prepared to meet her, I would want to share with her my stories.

For now, I would just share it with you guys first. For me, I used to have mild depression these past few years, having the root of the problem with my self-esteem. With things start to pile up, I will get stressful and I tend to procrastinate. When I am in a new environment and I cant get used to it, I will tend to hide myself. My only way to run away from my depression was to sleep. That is the only place where I can seek refugee in. I live in my own world and I was not happy. And I have to admit that, I thought of suicide too. Fortunately, there is mummy around, always there whenever I need her. Though I do not think that she knows I am depressed, she would just be there for me. Now that she s gone, I tell myself that I must not fall into the realm of depression again. I must be independent, emotionally. A second in depression would mean a second less of happiness. I do not know when life is going to be taken away from me, and so I rather try to be happy till the day I leave.

So guys, depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I am sure each one of us have their fair share of depression. For me, I am lucky that, I could just suddenly awake from my depression. For some others, it is much more serious. But all of us can defeat it by believing that it is only a phase in life and that life can be good too. Problems are always there. We could only try to solve them. Sharing your problems would be a good way to lessen the burden of the pain of the problems. Though I am still sad and that there are times when it still hurts badly, I can proudly say that everyday to me is a gift and I am really happy to be alive.

Later in the evening, I went for a ktv session with my friends. I did not hear my phone ringing and had 14 missed calls from daddy. I guessed I forgot to inform him that I would be home late and that caused quite a panic in him. I' m sorry daddy. I am still not used to informing him about my whereabouts, having used to only tell mummy. It was then I realized that nothing is ever going to be the same and I have to get used to my new lifestyle. Change is a constant and it is something I must embrace to live on happily.

And so friends, what are the lessons which you have learnt today?

Gaining wisdom everyday,
Agnes